dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
