Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
