South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
