I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
