My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
