Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
