You just made me feel so damn special
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
