Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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