I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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