O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
