how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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