'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
