i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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