Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
