i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
