ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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