There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
