I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am spending my child support on dildos
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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