Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I puked a lego.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
