Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
