Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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