I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
