She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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