Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I love you. Go after that dick
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
