I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
