Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
