I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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