dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
