I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
