at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
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There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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