So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
