The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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