I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
