Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Come see our sink grown plant.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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