Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
