We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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