Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
