I faked an abortion last night.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
