I just saw a hot homeless man
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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