3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
