She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
