he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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