Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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