well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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