after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
