i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
