I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
