If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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