I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I could fuck to npr.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
