Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
