I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Too much gin, very little bucket
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
