sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
