he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
