totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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