had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
