a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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