the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
