yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
