She even gives head with a lisp.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
