I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
