He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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