I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
