i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
