woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Help. Why am I so naked?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
