I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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