:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
