bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
