I'm gonna have a badass scar
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
