do herpes really smell.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
