So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
