How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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