i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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