When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
