Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
