I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
