great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Pants are for mortals
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
