I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
3pm strippers are depressing
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
